(note: parents, if you’re reading this, you might want to stop. Now. Trust me, not one for you 😉 )
I’m probably sharing too much (again. Sorry babe) in this post, but when Googling ‘libido in pregnancy’ (yes, I actually did that), I was comforted in the fact that I am not the first person to ask such a question as I was inundated with all manner of articles, including everything from how to keep your sex drive alive during pregnancy to Pregnancy sex drive: at an all time high. In my case, much to Eamo’s dismay, I have definitely not experienced the latter (we can but hope, babe 😉 ).
I’m not entirely sure what constitutes a ‘normal’ sex life? Is it a certain amount of times a week, a month, a day?? I often find this a subject that can have extremely varying answers, which people don’t always seem to be honest about. (One of my friends once told me she had sex 6 times a day with her husband, as standard. If that is true, fair fucking play to her, but my question is HOW? And WHEN?? And doesn’t it get a bit ‘here we go again’ after the third/fourth time?)
Sorry, I digress. I would say Eamo and I have a ‘normal’ sex life, by which I mean we’re happy – maybe satisfied is a better word? – with the amount we have. Well, we were.
I think it’s fair to say that my sex drive hit an all-time low in the first few weeks. It was everything I could do not to fall asleep as soon as I came home from work and I can honestly say I just didn’t even think about it. I had absolutely no urge to have sex. At. All.
I can see how behaviour like this would be extremely hard to take anything but personally, and it wasn’t long (24 hours maybe ha!) before Eamo started to notice said change in my behaviour…
Me: Babe, make sure you write down any questions you might have when we see the midwife tomorrow. This is as much for you as it is for me.
Eamo: How about ‘Is it normal for your sex life to pack its bags and fuck off during pregnancy?’
Me: *Uncontrollable laughter* You go for it, babe. And say it just like that.
While he was joking (and no, he didn’t actually ask her that in the end, much to my disappointment), I tried to consciously address that our sex life was not what it was in those first few months of pregnancy. Although it was probably not my finest hour when trying to address it I pulled out the line …’It’s not you, babe, it’s me’.
But it was/is me, not him!
I’ve tried to explain that while my body hasn’t undergone huge changes yet, sex is as much about the mind (for me anyway) and with so much going on, it gets increasingly difficult to feel in any way sexy and therefore confident and therefore happy to be a naked blob in front of the person you love, despite him telling me on a daily basis how amazing and beautiful I am. I realise sex isn’t as much (if at all) a mind thing for men so I can see how he struggled to understand at first.
Thankfully, the last few weeks has seen some normality return, i.e. an increase in our intimate encounters (I’m trying to keep the sex word to a minimum as I know that despite telling our parents not to read this, they probably are… Mum, stop! ;)) But I’m yet to experience pregnancy being the ‘lustiest time of my life’ as it would appear a lot of other women have. Again, with pregnancy, I’m putting this down to everyone experiencing it differently. Sometimes we have sex a lot, sometimes we don’t, I think it’s really about what works for you, as a couple, and communicating any frustrations you may have. Literally 😉
Failing that, I’m off to watch the new 50 Shades film as soon as it’s out for some inspiration…
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