The Unmumsy Mum – read when lying down ;)

Today turned into one of ‘those days’. I woke up in a brilliant mood. My sister, Kirstie, and her family had stayed with us for a couple of days and we just had the best time. They were going home probably around lunchtime and I was really happy about the time we’d all spent together. My sister, niece and I had been on my first baby shopping adventure the day before, which was great, specially watching Kirst get so excited by all the newborn stuff we apparently need. (Seriously, how the actual fuck does something so small need so much stuff??)

When I woke, everyone else was asleep. I’ve been waking up earlier these days, probably cos I go to bed by 9pm every night. But anyway. I pottered around upstairs for a while until I could no longer ignore my desire to eat and so I grabbed my new book, crept downstairs into the kitchen, shutting the door behind me so as not to wake the kids in the front room. All was perfectly normal, I made my scrambled eggs on toast and got stuck into ‘The Unmumsy Mum‘, a book my friend Sophie bought me for Christmas, telling me ‘she calls her kids twats, it’ll be right up your street’. She was right. A few sentences in and I’m already in love with Sarah Turner.

As the rest of the house remained silent, I reached the part where Sarah talks about her labour experiences for both her boys. It’s at this point, I should really point out just how squeamish I am. I’m talking, I fainted when I accidentally cut the smallest slice in my hand with a bread knife years ago and having to walk out the cinema when watching Saw III because I knew I was going to pass out if I saw anymore.

Anyway, I didn’t think anything of reading this until it got to the part where Sarah described her placenta getting stuck after the birth of her second child. If you’ve read her book, you’ll know it’s in no way graphic. It’s not overly pleasant but she really doesn’t go into anymore detail other than it being ‘brutal’.

It was at this point that my mind starting going into overdrive and I all of a sudden started feeling extremely hot. I recognised said feeling as when I’ve blacked out before but my rational brain started telling myself I was being ridiculous and that I should just breathe and calm down and I’d be fine. At the point I realised this was not the case and that I should lie down and probably try to call for someone’s help, it was too late. I’d gone backwards off the kitchen chair and my head had softened the blow on the concrete floor. Such a drama queen, right?

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I was out for a matter of seconds. I woke staring at a very unfamiliar scene, which my brain slowly processed as being the kitchen ceiling and the realisation that I hadn’t managed to not pass out sunk in. I climbed to my feet and opened the kitchen door to see my 12-year-old nephew on the other side with a look of concern that I’ll never forget.

“Are you ok?” he said.

“Not sure I am, mate, can you go get your mum for me, please?” I replied.

He followed my upstairs where all I could do was lay down on the bedroom floor. Cue the following two hours of me led on the floor with concerned faces staring at me. Chris came home, we rang 111 just to check if I needed to be looked over and they sent an ambulance, all of which I was mortified by. The only reason I agreed was to have peace of mind about the baby, it was all just a bit too much fuss, as far as I was concerned. That and I was hugely embarrassed.

A lovely paramedic arrived and when he asked me what happened all I could do was burst into tears. I felt like such an idiot. But he was so nice though, he immediately put me at ease. All my obs were fine. But I had a cracking lump on my head and a stinker of a headache. Nothing quite like a bit of excitement on a Friday, eh? 😉

While all this was going on, Freddie was wandering around making the most awful dry heaving noise, like he was constantly trying to clear his throat. It didn’t improve throughout the day so we took him to the vets to discover he has kennel cough. Talk about stealing my thunder haha 😉 It’s fair to say that today has been total shithouse. But made better by my brilliant family looking after me so well and a fiance and daddy-to-be who really is the best.

Despite all the drama, I’m actually really looking forward to reading the rest of Sarah’s book. I’ll just make sure I’m led down in future when I do haha! Imagine what I’m going to be like when I go into labour. Hopefully I’ll do the same and be unconscious for it all ;).

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