Updated: Apr 13, 2021
It seems like just yesterday that we were going for our 12-week scan. It wasn’t, obviously. Thirteen weeks on (!?), we are now at 25+4 weeks and the time seems to be flying. Monday just gone saw us meet our midwife, Ingrid, for our 25-week appt, which is where we were given the special paper ruler.
Yep, we’ve now reached the stage where bump gets measured each time we see her. As I lay on the bed, with bump well and truly out, Ingrid started pushing and poking it about. She didn’t fuck about either, prodding her big shovel hands into my stomach quite hard until a huge grin spread across her face….
“Ah, there’s a little head!” she said.
She then invited Eamo and I to put our hands in a similar position where, as we sort of rocked bump from side to side, we could feel the baby’s head moving about. And it was A-M-A-ZING. We also got to hear the heartbeat again, which will never get old.
“Are you enjoying being pregnant?” she asked.
The question actually took me a bit by surprise because up until about week 20, when I first felt the baby move, I’d actually really not thought about it. I have one job, and that is protect and grow this baby to the best of my ability. Enjoying it or not really hasn’t been something that has crossed my mind. And, like I told Ingrid, up to very recently, I’ve found it very hard to make a connection with the baby. Even though I know there’s a tiny dino in there, having very few physical symptoms has made it difficult for me to form a bond with him/her.
So when I replied with, ‘yes, I am actually’, I surprised myself. Because I am really enjoying being pregnant, and I now find myself getting super excited about meeting our tiny human. Better late than never, Hughes! 😉
After she finished poking me about, Ingrid started on about childbirth, as it transpires that while I was out of the room peeing on a stick, Eamo has told her that I’m basically shitting my pants about the whole thing. Cheers babe. (It’s true though, I really am).
“You don’t strike me as a wuss?” she said.
Charmed, I’m sure. As much as I love her direct approach, this is now the second time she’s rendered me a bit speechless, which, to be fair, you’ve got to admire her for all the more.
All I could find to reply with was (sheepishly):
“I don’t want to be!”.
She went on to tell me that childbirth is the most amazing experience, like, ever. I nodded along, looking totally unconvinced. I’m hoping our upcoming hypnobirthing sessions will help with the anxiety I feel about squeezing this kid out of my lady bits because right now, all I want to do is keep my legs firmly crossed!
“I don’t want to cause you any alarm..” Ingrid said. Cue my heart jumping into my mouth. She quickly went on to tell me that this was the point she needed to talk to me about still birth. Two words any expectant mum doesn’t even want to think about, let alone talk about. But I understood the necessity to talk about it and listened intently as she went through all the information we needed to hear.
And I’m actually very glad we did talk about it as I had no idea what was ‘normal’ in terms of movement. Now that the tiny dino is well and truly on the move, I had no idea that I should be able to feel movement every day, and if I don’t, to get in touch with the Day Assessment Unit straight away. That said, while it’s good to know this information, I’ve now found myself worrying if I don’t feel the baby move for a while and then hugely relieved when I get a little jab.
Complications can, very sadly, happen at any point during pregnancy and since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve never felt ‘safe’, as it were. Every day you get through safely feels like another milestone reached, and there’s been never any point that I’ve felt like I can fully relax about the whole thing. The whole conversation was a stark reminder of the fragility of pregnancy and how just being able to get pregnant is a huge privilege that should never be taken for granted.
Packing a punch
I didn’t want to leave this blog post on such a somber note, so thought I’d leave it with the tiny dino in action. He/she is already packing quite a little punch! 🙂 ❤